iza got no jive

83 weeks is a long time

2009-08-23T05:19:24Z

but, not a whole hell of a lot has changed. i'm still funny looking. i still drink/work/swear/approach too much. i still dream about zombies. i still listen to sappy music. i still wear glasses. i still wish my tits were smaller. i still don't eat pigs. i still have a huge crush on cate blanchett. i still hate chocolate.

but, i have a yard. and ceiling fans. and my car is in no danger of being re-poed. sweet progress.

retarded

2008-01-14T00:35:56Z

now that i have cable, i no longer have patience for anything that lasts more than 30 minutes. this includes EVERYTHING from sex to showering to conversations to food preparation. i feel like everything starts with !!! and ends with ...

MUSICIANS NEEDED!!!

2007-03-27T21:37:21Z

Cabot Street Pub in Chicopee, MA is looking for live, acoustic talent to fill 1-2 hour slots on Saturday nights. All types of music are welcome, including alternative and classic rock, blues, bluegrass, country, covers, original music, and experimental jigs. Pay will depend on experience, exposure and applause. Please contact me via Myspace or at invisiblemonster23@hotmail.com

-keisha

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-09-13T23:01:00

2006-09-14T03:03:16Z

so, yesterday, i saw the spoon video that the yolanda and steve video from toys is based on. i nearly pissed my pants from laughing. also, i watched about seven hours of cable television. i'm glad i only need to binge watch once or twice a year to pretty much feel back in the loop.

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-06-14T22:16:00

2006-06-15T02:18:37Z

NOOSES FOR SALE: 5 DOLLARS

i'd post about how shitty my life is, but i'm wasting way too much time being amused, instead. HEH.

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-06-11T23:43:00

2006-06-12T03:51:09Z

my favorite thing to do when i'm bored is go on livejournal and read about how everyone has lost faith in people, thinks everyone is fake, doesn't feel like they're getting the attention they deserve, has no real friends, sucks at life, feels like the world owes them a break...etc.

straight up, i'm laughing my ass off. you wanna talk life's lemons, i'm the one to talk with. but, on a lazy day like today, birds singing, sun shining, heart beating, lungs breathing, the only thing i can bitch about is how goddamn good of a person i am, and how i can't even swallow without stopping first to notice the beauty of living.

simpleminded

2006-05-01T18:29:40Z

how does dominique swain manage to find movies where she is running in at least one scene? doesn't she realize she runs like a retard? makes me wish i owned a rifle. i'm goddamn bored. i woke up early, assuming i had to work because i've worked every monday morning for the last five months, but noooooo. i wasn't due in until four. felt like i got up for school on a saturday. christine and i rented high tension. i loved it. i watched it twice, but i have to bring it back today and i don't want to. i wanna throw a fit. also, i'm hungry. also,

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-03-09T02:04:00

2006-03-08T19:06:57Z

i've been having these really odd dreams involving crispin glover...dunno why. maybe it's because my bed is busted and my dreaming chakra is tilted. i need a new boxspring, or maybe some slabs of wood. i think slabs of wood would be cheaper. i'm sleeping on the futon, tonight. i can't handle this.

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-03-03T12:57:00

2006-03-03T18:07:05Z

last night was absolutely devastating on about three million different levels. i wish i could re-live it over and over for eternity, and, like, repent or some shit. i'm pretty sure that would make me the running candidate for good karma next life around. god loves selfish, crazy eyed people.

this spanish keyboard blows.

it irritates me that r. crumb hates ralph bakshi so much. i'm almost embarassed that i loved wizards so much when i was twelve. i need new glasses. i want huge monster goggles just like r. crumbs. i want people to dream about me wearing those huge goggles and have huge hard ons all day afterwards. speaking of woodies, i had the most disturbing dream about my boss last night. it was too sexy. it woke me up at nine thirty in the morning, sweaty and crooked.

summation

2006-02-28T04:32:50Z

tareyton cigarettes and a 40. surprised to be relaxed. working a lot. memory failing. a good thing. moving on. red lights and red wine. i stole it. i want to steal more.

quiet time

2006-02-22T19:14:52Z

christine and i are like an old married couple. last night, we decided we were both going on a diet, and this morning, we did crunches together. we fight like frenchmen, quite consistently, and it's invigorating to be around someone who doesn't just nod and smile. this last month has found me completely and utterly feeling at home. but, this last week...ahhhh jeez. i don't even want to talk about it. my car. my job. my HAIR. disastrous.

it was so nice out today, i decided to walk to brooks to get my film developed. i knew there were some pictures taken at the housewarming party, but beyond that, i couldn't remember the last time i used my camera. brooks machine was out of order, so i walked to walgreens, and spent an hour there waiting for my pictures. some old guy was following me around, and he kept asking if i worked there. i think he thought i was conspiring against him, because every time i said "no", he gave me a look of disbelief. at one point, he ran over the back of my foot with his carriage. he didn't apologize. anyway, the pictures were interesting, to say the least. there were some of tina and my old kitties from, i don't even know when. those from the party were surprisingly...focused. apparently, i modeled my slippers.

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-01-21T17:51:00

2006-01-21T22:52:44Z

happy birthday to me. on monday. 21st. it better be awesome. it better make up for this being the worst week ever. done. and done.

sucka mc

2006-01-16T23:18:29Z

i've been spending some time recalling tragedy and all it's effects, and i realize that living isn't mandatory, i can stop at any time, but if there's any chance that my conscience will live on in the after life, i don't think i could really stand to be the cause of there being one less person in the world who owns total recall and actually watches it regularly. this is my greatest dilemma. see how great things are going for me? this is what i worry about.

(i am 100% delusional from stress)

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-01-13T20:35:00

2006-01-14T01:36:54Z

i'm patiently waiting for you to kill me in my sleep. i hold my breath so that it will be that much quicker.

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-01-11T00:15:00

2006-01-11T05:20:33Z

i mean, it's really cute that i was using words like "deliquesce" and "meandering" when i was sixteen, but jesus christ, man, what happened to me? when did i become so less...literary? i imagine it was when i stopped writing.

nix on all past resolutions. time to start writing! time to score many, many books on re-building and strengthening the memory! time to find cure for damage pot has done to brain!

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-01-10T23:17:00

2006-01-11T04:19:53Z

i figured this year would be a hell of a lot more interesting if i just took everyone else's resolutions and reversed them. i can drink, smoke, have casual sex, quit my job, hate everyone, buy tons of porn, jerk off every hour...etc. oh, and i can swear all the time, at every occasion. and i don't have to be nice. and i don't have to stop for pedestrians. and i'll get as emotional as i want and break things.

man, this is going to be one hell of a year.

nolongerfurtive @ 2006-01-05T18:25:00

2006-01-05T23:38:35Z

everything is changing, and my only regret is that these positive alterations were inspired by carelessness. because we are not speaking, i'll leave you a written list of things i plan to do, and refuse to do.

at this point, i feel like i've done a damn good job of cleansing my life of it's most neurotic and negative attributes. at the same time, i resent the lives that i have been cleansed from for the same reasons. my new year's resolution is to resolve that resentment with understanding, and a bit of ignorance. i'll be honest. i don't easily forgive being forgotten, but i'm going to try.

in other news, my car is acting wonky. the steering is loose, and i've found myself having to drive more carefully, more "ten and two". anyone who's driven with me knows that i prefer driving more "five and cigarette", and while my running dream has been to drive my car into a tree (and survive with only scratches and bruises, but, oh! the dear car is in pieces), i'm going to attempt to travel without any major calamity. also, i spent two hours "playing" with my niece. i taught her how to yell really loud and slam her dolls faces into eachother. i called this "baby fights". she learned the phrases "terrible concussion", "severed brain stem" and "smash it harder". her pronunciation is outstanding for a three year old.

nolongerfurtive @ 2005-12-18T23:17:00

2005-12-19T04:22:06Z

every night, i spend an hour trying to create the miraculous person i can pretend to be in my dreams, but i'm always just myself. i'm sick of my subconscious being the veritable fist of destruction to my glory.

nolongerfurtive @ 2005-12-12T23:57:00

2005-12-13T04:58:15Z

mom's back in the hospital. job sucks. heart hurts. assuming state of triviality.

nolongerfurtive @ 2005-12-03T19:24:00

2005-12-04T00:27:31Z

well, slap me silly and stupid, sheepish and sedated, or just plain sober. i traced the path of demise, and i'm still confused.

a state of disarray

2005-12-01T20:32:10Z

i feel sideways, like a dead man who swore he'd die standing up, and i'm lost in a moment that was all too close, all too quick, that i didn't even get time to feel relieved before it began to re-cycle, and our hearts, i think we should trade them for shallow breath and the right to see clearly.

i keep telling myself that that white bed is not your death bed, and that i will never have to lay in it. but, honey, sweetie, darling, i'm not so sure, so unsure, more unsure than i've ever been. you can't swim in air, but you can sleep forever with water filled lungs. but, not in that white bed. you'll come home first.

nolongerfurtive @ 2005-11-09T19:00:00

2005-11-10T00:03:30Z

i hate getting coffee at cafe's. i wish there were free refills.

it's been getting dark at increasingly early times. with my circadian rhythm being chronically fucked, i've been napping on a near regular basis. i feel groggy most of the time, and my new job is really doing a number on me. i'm working harder than i ever have, and while it feels good to really "build up a sweat", i'm not sure i'm cut out for this sort of action.

most importantly, whomever it is that insists on posting anonymous messages in my journal of absolutely no validity or importance, please stop.

stairway to the stars

2005-10-22T04:07:04Z

can't we sail away on a lazy daisy petal?
can't we sail away on a little dream?

nolongerfurtive @ 2005-10-20T15:40:00

2005-10-20T19:40:38Z

you'd never believe this
but angels arranged us in this
to make up for some old sin

fuck anyone/everyone

2005-10-17T07:37:04Z

her pretty lil' face? well, she kissed a girl.

umbrellas mean nothing in the rain.

he's passed out on my couch, a shy cry from retching, and i'm waiting for the mess i'm bound to clean up.

i say "jesus christ" a lot, but it means nothing. but jesus christ, why am i so close to tears? that moment before the wetness wells into diamonds is the most painful moment of my life...each and every time. i re-live this moment as if it were my birth, with ever-anxious ignorance and insolence. i am stuck here with this painful heaviness in my cheeks. blushing and cursing, you dumb fool. you goddamn dumb fool. you use love like any adjective. it is no twinkle in your eye. it does not calm. it does not bound. the slight from tonight's stars was enough to send me, but you've given me so much more reason. i couldn't even pretend to justify, it is that clear.

i will drown in all that is new, all that will suffice me, and the one-ness that will inevitably come, it will be welcome. i'm used to this.

i've just seen a face i can forget...